Learning about Lollygag With Lisa

Hey Y'all,

I was originally typing this in my #glamroom reveal, but I realized y'all have been asking how this all started. So why not make a post about it?

Why Lollygag?

First, I want to get to the basics of how this path became more concrete for me than a part-time retail job or "big career".

To me this is so much more than fulfilling than those opportunities, this is me. Hoping that I reach enough hearts and impact enough lives, I will be known for my brand (me), not another company. That freedom is amazing, even if I just help a few lives. I'm making a difference by simply being myself, and there is so much beauty to that.

So the big question, "Why Lollygag?". Honestly, one day I just looked up a bunch of "L" words and started saying them with my name. I believe I was talking to either Mom or Dad Aaron when the word lollygag was presented. I love words that are fun to say or just sound odd. When I heard lollygag I knew it was perfect.

Lollygag: to dawdle or spend time aimlessly (without direction). To me this was the epitome of what happens you read / write a blog. I may have a purpose to reading a blog: sometimes it's for advice, to get through your current situation, just to pass the time, but I often find myself elsewhere. I seem to wander from blog to blog, normally with no relation to my original objective. The same thing applies to when I write. I originally started my writing today with the #glamroom reveal, but I found myself writing a cookie recipe and this post as well. I also feel like I have to lollygag to find inspiration to write. When I try to force myself on a topic, I often get stumped. My best posts seem to come to me at the most inopportune times, like the late hours of the night or when I'm driving when my thoughts have no given destination.

Learning about Lollygag with Lisa 

We are going to be a little unconventional on how we go about this story, but I promise I will track it to the beginning of LWL.

I'm going to start this from where I said "...hubby and I made a decision. He got to have his glorious garage that houses his '87 Suzuki Intruder and I got to have a Glam Room." in my Glam Room Reveal Post.

Dylan believed giving me this (glam room), after discussion of having me avoid the corporate world, would lead to a more fulfilling purpose in the world. Of course that purpose would be remotely, giving me the satisfaction that I could commit to my first job, being a wife.

I know this may offend some, but this is what I want and what works for us. I know I could go to school to become anybody I want, even a flight attendant or a doctor. I could go back into retail or find some big role in a company but honestly, thats never been my dream.

My sole dreams are to be an amazing wife and mom, the way I saw my own mother growing up. She would do volunteer work or work at the gym that hosted "mommy and me" classes, spending all her time with us during the day. When my Dad Aaron (stepdad, but he's so much more than that to me) came home from work she was there by his side always making us the best dinners and having everything tidy. Being home when Dylan's duty allows him to be with me is the best and most important thing to me. I don't want to waste a second of time that I could be with my best friend.

I like the traditional structure of a family with a bit of modern twists. I love being able to cook for my husband and bake him goodies when I know he's had a hard day at work. Especially, his favorite mint chocolate chip cookies that I make fresh from the mint in my garden. Although it can be tedious, I love to pick up after him and make sure his uniforms are all laid out, making his day just a little easier. He works and slaves himself all day at work telling himself to only push harder. He tells me that he does this because although it may not show today, these things build up. This can give him opportunities for promotions, increasing stability in job and financial state of our family. It also may show someone, even when he doesn't realize, that he's a hard worker & leader. This can show up incase we ever need anything. Anyways, I know he works hard and I always make sure I express my appreciation, as does he.

Don't get me wrong, these acts are definitely expected to be reciprocated. We have this thing we go by, "What you do, I do. What you don't, I won't". I love this because we only expect things from each other, that we would expect ourselves to do (for the most part). I may cook and clean, whereas, he takes the trash out and washes the dogs.

I also want to make a point that we balance one another out if need be, we are a team. It's not like we go "you do that and I do this, no compromising". If I feel down or out of it, he is always there helping me out and I do the same for him. We always try to educate one another on the things we may be more educated on to help each other thrive. I learned how to change a tire, about his job, ect. and he learns all about homemaking, cosmetics, and "smart stuff" as he calls it. We are counterparts, we help each other succeed in life in all ways possible. This includes being satisfied in our own individuality.

LWL | Lost

Lollygag with Lisa was born during a time of confusion. I was lost, needing something to make me remember who I was. I needed purpose and help finding myself. The purpose of LWL was to remind me of who I was and be something that was always there for me, no matter where our travels take us. When this all started last year I had no clue what blogging was about, well in the sense of creating my own. -I thrive off of the directions and advice of other blogs., but I was shy about the topics I wanted to write about.  All the critiques I was receiving on my early posts consumed me. So I gave up.

My depression and anxiety hit me like a wave. Then, another wave hit when I lost our twins from a tragic miscarriage in the Fall. My husband had just left for a six month deployment. I felt defeated. It seemed like I was surrounded by a cocoon of pain. I moved in with my in-laws to be closer to resources to help me, but instead I remained numb.

The creativity and the passion inside me never died though. It was growing, thriving, waiting for its moment to finally be released. Homecoming finally came and we moved into our home here in South Carolina. Next, I completed my education. I graduated late due to my medical issues consuming me, but I did it. I completed the one thing I had pushed myself to achieve during the deployment. This was at the end of May

Up until a few weeks ago, that numbness was still a huge part of me that I was hiding from the world.  Something else happened in May. My body was rejecting the Nexplanon device we had injected to help with my Endometriosis and PCOS. It did its job to dissolve my cysts though, but the device hadn't come into full effect due to the rejection. In June we found out we were expecting. I know what you're thinking, this is my announcement. Unfortunately it isn't, a few weeks after that I was going in for an appointment and we discovered we lost another. This is my sixth miscarriage. I know you don't have words for this, if you can even grasp what this is like. That's okay, because I was surrounded by people who did. I was more blessed in this situation than I had before. Well, as blessed as I could be. This time I had my husband home, right there with me every step of the way. I'm still healing, because yes I know, this wasn't so long ago, but I've broken out of my cocoon.

LWL | Loving

I've found myself. I realized I don't have to keep pushing myself to prove that I can achieve this dream of being a mother right now. I can be selfish. I can take the time to heal. I can take the time to be me. There are other options, and I'll be blunt. I had two strokes last year, at the age of 19/20 due to the strain I was having. Both resulted in miscarriages. Both resulted in me coming close to losing my life. When people hear this, even doctors, they are speechless. This can't happen again. Taking time to heal will include more research on what's went wrong and how we can avoid this next time. So when I'm ready, we can try again.

I'm so blessed and I adore my husband for the amount of support he's given me through this process. This miscarriage and all past didn't just affect me, they are his children too. He wanted this just as much as I did, if not more. He is truly god-sent. Since day one, he's told me my health is above all, even if that meant never having children. Every single day he reassures me when I have doubts. Tells me when it's our time its our time. I get to decide when I'm ready and there's no rush since we will be together until the end of our time. He prays with me every night before bed, even if he doesn't get home from work until nearly sunup. We have 1 Corinthians 3-8 in our bedroom and I truly believe this man lives by it." Love is patient. Love is kind....Love never Fails."

He's encouraged me continue to LWL as I've been experimenting with things to help me heal. I came back to the discussion of me finding a "proper job" and he simply asked me if I would be happy with that. We both knew the answer was no. I didn't want to go back to crazy hours, uniforms, and rules. I didn't want to risk time that should be cherish with my husband, being compromised for some job. No amount of money is worth it to me.

So what was I going to do? I had to find a way to make my passions thrive, income or not. I came up with a list of things I love. I love shopping, I love inspiring, I love adventuring, and I love freedom. What could I do with all of that? The answer had been in front of me the whole time. I was just so set in my insecurities to let myself bloom. So I soul searched, I did research, and at the end of the day I got over my damn self.

I had a chat with one of my cousins and she gave me a virtual, inspiring slap in the face. She reminded me of all the things I could do. The people I could help if I just opened my mouth and spoke. I seriously rely on other bloggers, and if I have so much to share why am I depriving others of my options, advice, and knowledge?

So my friends, family, and followers... let's lollygag.

Xo,

Lisa Monique
email: lisamoniquehealthandfitness@gmail.com
instagram / twitter / poshmark: lisa__monique